Life's just a picnic full of ants
by sugarXcouture
Summary: Sara's story...Mega angsty, so please don't read if you can't deal. Has hints of Sandle Snickers, but mainly GSR. there's a cupla Sara OC's too! It kinda ties in with No Shadows To Hide In, but it can definitley be read seperately!
1. Chapter 1

A girl sits on a bus, headed away from the city she used to call home. Away from the insults, the people laughing behind her back, away from those she is meant to call 'family', away from everything- all the memories.

She wants to get away, go somewhere that she can re-invent herself, where she doesn't have to cope with it all.

She rubs her scuffed Converse All Stars together, and picks at her nails, the blue polish chipped, and almost all worn off. Her scruffy looking jeans and army-style jacket keeps all the other passengers at bay, she doesn't have to worry about anyone sitting next to her.

Her hands nervously run over the book she has in her lap, Dostoevskys' "Crime and Punishment." The bus jolts and judders, she doesn't want to risk reading, in case she throws up. She hates getting travel-sick, something almost all her family is afflicted with.

Was. Was afflicted with.

She stares out the window, not really seeing the signs as they speed by her.

And this, my friends, was the fourth time Sara Sidle, 14 years of age, had run away from a foster family.

But Sara's life, well it hadn't always been like this...


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**A/N: Hi! So, I know I have my other two stories, which are in desperate need of an update...said update will be taking place in about a weeks time, promise! anywya, I noticed that in no shadows, the teenage years of sara's life got quite a lot of interest, so I wanted to explore them a little more fully...see what i could make of it...idk, it'll be interesting...so anyways...yeah...i guess thats it...uh, the story gets more interesting in chappies three and four. Swear on my life! hugs, sugar couture**

The playroom was pink. Sara hated that. Just because she was a girl, a 'lovely little girl' as her au pair constantly reminded her, it didn't mean that she had to be a 'girly-girl'

Even at five, Sara was somewhat of a mini-feminist.

She finished colouring in her whale, and held it up in the light to inspect it. Oh no. No no. she had gone over the line several times. That wouldn't do. No way, too messy.

She scrumpled it up, and threw it into the waste-paper basket in the corner.

A scent of perfume wafted through the air. Her mother's arrival was always announced by the scent of Chanel, arriving seconds before she did.

"Sara? Twenty minutes 'till dinner, darling."

"Okay mommy."

"Go change, and wash your hands. Nanny and Grandpa are going to be arriving soon."

Sara stood up, and stumbling slightly over her gangly legs, followed out after her mother.

"Erica has ironed out your blue dress. Go and tell her that's what you shall be wearing this evening."

"But I don-"

"Sara. Thats what you shall be wearing. I don't want any arguments."

Sara stomped off to the laundry room, to tell her au pair of her mothers decision.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"...and I knew that we would have to boost the Fiinder account, so Geoffrey asked me..."

Sara had stopped listening when her father started talking about work. She hadn't really been listening before either.

Her grandparents laughed, as her father finished telling his story about some boring thing that happened at his company.

"So Laura, how are things going with Sara's schooling?" Her Grandpa Stuart gestured at Sara. "Any word about being moved up?"

Laura set down her wine glass, and smiled at her father-in-law. "We had a letter last week about her being moved up a grade, but we're not to sure..."

"Pah!" His red face turned even redder at this. "If the girl's bright enough to be moved up, then move her up! We'll have another lawyer in the family yet!" turning to Sara, he asked "Do you want to be a lawyer? Like Uncle Terry?"

She hated being asked questions directly by her Grandfather, his loud voice scared her. But still, she answered him honestly.

"I want to be a police lady! And I'll arrest all the baddies!"

"A police woman? You don't get sent to public school to become a police woman, young lady!"

Seeing her father-in-law about to launch into a lecture, Laura smoothly cut in:

"Oh, no, Sara doesn't really want to be a police woman. Her class had a talk in school the other week about it. She's just been fixated ever since! Just a phase..."

Her grandfather focused his attention back on her ten year old brother, while her grandmother gulped the rest of her wine, and reached for the bottle yet again.

Sara stared at her mom with wide eyes. She did want to be a police woman! She'd much rather catch the baddies, that defend them, like her Uncle Terry used to. Why did her mom say that?

Her brother was now jabbering excitedly to her grandma about the trip his class were taking to a museum in a weeks time. Her grandma had a glazed look, and was absentmindedly stroking the rim of her wine glass with her finger. Her father and grandfather were engaged in a deep discussion about owning your own company, and the value of shares, all the while her mother was gazing off into the distance, a look of detachment on her face.

"Please may I leave the table?" She pulled on her mothers sleeve. Laura glanced surprised at her daughter, almost as if she'd forgotten Sara was still there.

"What? Yes, yes, go. Tell Erica it's time for your bath."

"Yes mommy."

"She's in the kitchen."

"Yes mommy."

**XXXXXXXXX**

Sara had had her bath, and slipped into her pyjamas, when her mother told her to come and say goodbye to her grandparents. Hopping out of bed and shoving on her dressing gown and slippers hurriedly, she ran down the back stairway, and through the kitchen.

Her grandparents were bidding goodbye to her brother as she arrived at the front door, more than slightly out of breath.

"Nanny! Grandpa!" She skidded to a stop in front of them, her grandmother looking on disapprovingly.

"Sara! Really..."

However, regardless of her scolding tone, she bent down and hugged her little granddaughter fiercely. Harriet Sidle was a tall, striking woman, and though Sara was said to have inherited these qualities from her, Harriet was still a great deal taller.

But she did have sixty or so years on her granddaughter...Maybe Sara would be even taller than her when she grew up...

"Hetty, hurry up!" her grandfather chivvied his wife. "Jim's bringing the car round."

Bidding goodbye to her family, Harriet followed her husband over to their chauffeur driven car, and somehow managed to elegantly slide into the seat next to him.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"That was...enjoyable..." Laura tailed off, unsure of how to proceed. "and I think off to bed, for you two." she gently steered her two children back into the house. "Tim?"

Her husband had also headed back into the house, but he was lifting his jacket off the coat stand, and picking up his briefcase. "I have to go back to the office for a few hours. I'll be back later."

"But Tim, I thought-"

"Don't start. I've had a stressful evening. And I need to finish working on this account."

"Spending time with your family is 'stressful?' My god, you make it sound as if it were a chore! Sometimes I think you'd rather work than be here!"

"Well, how the hell else do you think I'd be able to pay for your fucking designer clothes? Perfume? Sara's horse-riding lessons, her ballet lessons? Alexsander's private schooling, all those fucking tutors? A maid, a bloody au pair? Christ Laura, you don't even work, yet you need someone to everything for you!"

Hearing their mothers angry retort, Alex took Sara's hand, and started to quietly lead her away from their parents.

"Get back here!" Tim shouted after his son. "call fucking Erica if you want someone to look after that brat."

Sara zoned out a while ago. Growing up in such a volatile family had gifted her with the ability to zone out, imagine things in her head, transport herself to another world..

"ERICA! ERICA!" her mothers calls for the au pair snapped her out of her dreamland, and she saw the attractive redheaded woman come running.

"Yes'm?" Erica could sense the tension the second she had heard her name being screeched.

"It's Sara's bedtime. And help Alex finish his homework if it's not already completed." Laura turned back to her husband, who was now halfway out the door. "Tim, please..."

"This discussion is over Laura." He strode out the door, not bothering to say goodbye to either of his younger children.

Erica led Sara off, with Alex lagging behind. Laura gazed after her husband's departing back, then slid down to sit on the floor.

Just another day in the Sidle household...


	3. Chapter 3

Sara blew out the candles, and wished.

She wished for her daddy to stop working so hard. And for mommy not to be so mean to daddy. And her brother not to annoy her so much. And, she wanted a pony.

"Smile sweetie!" her mom snapped the camera, as her daughter gave a big toothy grin.

The cake was whisked away from under her nose, and taken away to where it would be divided up, and shared out between the vast amount of people who were attending Sara Sidle's eighth birthday party.

"Happy Birthday Sara!" her Aunt Melissa told her, as the excited six year old raced toward the stack of presents on one of the picnic tables. All her fathers side of the family was there, all her aunts and uncles, all her cousins. Her mom had no family: no siblings, and her parents died of cancer long before Sara was born, within six months of each other. Luckily, Laura had left home by then.

"Mommmy! Presents, presents!"

Her mother smiled indulgently at her adorable daughter. Dressed up in a pink dress, with white frilly ankle socks, and patent black shoes, she looked every inch the cherubic child.

"Of course darling, the birthday girl must have her presents. Let me just call everyone over so we can take photographs..."

After all the immeadiate family and friends had gathered round, Sara was allowed to tear into her presents, squealing delightedly, and giving eager hugs of thanks.

Finally she got to her parents present, and tearing off the wrapping paper, she looked at the reigns and bridle puzzedly.

"Mommy?"

"Surprise Sara!"

She was still confused.

"He'll get here tomorrow! He's 14 hands tall and white! His last owners called him prince, but you can name him anything you like!"

It clicked in her head. They had bought her a horse. A Pony. That she'd wanted last year, but she got a stupid dollhouse instead.

"he can live with toffee!" Her best friend Ellie nudged her, referring to her own horse "they can be best friends too!"

Sara beamed suddenly, and hurled herself at her mother. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Her mother laughed lightly, and told her "It was Daddy's idea. You should thank him."

Sara looked around for her father, as everyone wafted away, back to the food table, or bouncy castle, or the face painter.

"Where is daddy, mom?"

"He's up in the study, he had to take a phone call. Go on up, I'm sure he'll be finished by now."

Sara raced from the garden, bubbling over with excitement. Her dad had just given her the best birthday present ever!

She took the stairs two at a time, and burst into the empty study. Glancing around, and only seeing one of the dogs, archaic old Blackie, she pondered on where her father was.

A gasp echoed through the large corridor, and echoed in Sara's head. She looked at the dog, almost as if she was asking him what to do. The grizzled Labrador whined, and thumped his tail on the floor a couple of times. Sara took it as a sign, and set off in the direction the sound had come from.

She checked in all the rooms on the left hand side, before coming to the last room in the corridor, Erica's room. Hearing another noise, she knocked quietly on the door, and, on hearing no response, timidly pushed the door open.

She didn't understand what she saw next, not fully, until several years later...

Her dad was sitting in one of the worn armchairs that had always been in the au pairs room. Erica was kneeling in front of him,in between his knees, topless, her head bobbing back and forward.

Sara was paralyzed.

Her father let out another sigh, and juddered. Sara fled, confused and upset, feeling slightly sick at what she had seen...

XXXXXXXXXX

The guests had all left several hours ago, and now, Sara was safely tucked up in bed. Her mind was buzzing, not of thoughts of the party, but of her father. And Erica.

She had asked Alex, quite innocently, what they had been doing, without letting him know who 'they' were...she had some idea that it was wrong, but she didn't know what 'it' was...

Alex had gaped, then gone purpley-red, and almost wet himself laughing at her.

Sara had run off, saying that she had to make sure 'mommy saved me some cake'

And now, now it was confusing her even more...

Did that mean Erica wouldn't take care of her anymore? What was she doing? Why was she doing that to her daddy? The questions bumped blindly through Sara's head. She felt her stomach lurch...

Sara violently, and loudly vomited all over her bedspread. "Moooooommyyyy!"

Erica immediately appeared at the doorway.

"What's wrong mischief?" using a pet name for her. Then "Oh, Sara, come here, honey. It's okay. Do you still feel sick?"

The eight year old was staring at her. Erica was worried she might be really sick,if that glazed stare was anything to go by, and moved across the room quickly to rest her hand on Sara's forehead to check if she had a fever.

Sara jerked away violently, and started crying loudly. "I wa-wa-want my mom! Mom!"

Erica was more than a little confused. She had been taking care of Sara for over four years, since she moved from England, and the little girl had often professed favouritism for her, over her own mother.

"I wan' my mom!"

Laura heard Sara calling her name in the nearby bedroom, and she swept through, wondering what was upsetting her daughter so much.

"Sara! What is all this racket?" she pushed the door open, and the smell of vomit rolled over her, making her gag. "Oh, my goodness! Honey, are you okay?"

The puke-covered eight year old, sprung out of bed, and raced over to her. "Mommy, my stomach hu-hurts!"

"Erica, can you clean this up?" Laura gestured to the bed, and the still bemused au pair nodded slowly. "Sara, Erica's going to clean you up, okay?"

"NO! MOMMY, I WANT Y-YOU!"

Laura looked at the other woman helplessly, and Erica shrugged her shoulders. "uh-okay sweetie. Come on, through to the bathroom, we'll get you cleaned up." As she half supported, half carried her daughter out the room, she shot the au pair, who was now busy stripping Sara's bed, a shrewd look.

Laura was under no illusions, where Sara was concerned, Erica was more of a mother than she was. And strange as it seemed, this didn't bother Laura that much. The arrangement meant she got some time with her daughter, but she could hand her over whenever the little girl got tired or cranky or dirty or hungry. And Sara got the best care possible, without any parental frustration. A good arrangement for both of them...

Still, she loved her daughter as much as life itself, and she didn't like the idea that Sara was upset with Erica. Erica must have done something, and god help her, if that au pair had hurt Sara, Laura would hang her out to dry...

As Sara stood shivering under the hot shower, Laura gently prodded her on why she didn't want Erica.

"Did she say something, sweetie?"

"No."

"Did she do something?"

"No."

"Why are you angry at her then, honey?"

"I'm not"

Laura gave up. If Sara wanted to tell her, she would. She knew her daughters stubborn streak, inherited directly from both parents, and also knew that she wouldn't get Sara talking against her will, numerous questions, or not.

XXXXXXXXXX

An hour later, Sara lay in her freshly made up bed, still shivering. She couldn't get warm. And the thoughts were still circling through her head...


End file.
